She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
