you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
