Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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