Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
