im six kinds of drunk right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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