His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
