I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
