I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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