I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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