I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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