He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
