o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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