that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
