Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
