I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
