yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
