**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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