Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
