Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
