I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
