I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
