i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
