Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
