And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We need to get me chipped asap
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
