I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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