yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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