Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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