Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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