ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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