Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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