I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize