Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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