had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
