drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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