I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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