I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
