as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
