I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
