my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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