I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
