some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
