Welp...herpes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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