I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize