was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
