The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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