At least make sure they are 18
Why
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
