Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
false alarm. still invincible.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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