Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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