just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
