I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
