he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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