well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
