Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So apparently I’m into choking now
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