Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
