just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
