My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Please don't give away my fajitas
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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