quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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