does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't deserve a penis
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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