i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
