so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i came on her dog
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
