Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize