never play flip cup with pint glasses
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
