I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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