Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
