if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
