I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
