After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
