you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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