Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
