Can i not drive my cunt home
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
