dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
