susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
