If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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