mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
