how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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