I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
