I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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