He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
