Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
