I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
