Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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