I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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