His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
