I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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