She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
smell my finger.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize