Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize