I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
