he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
