Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize