Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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