Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
