walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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