Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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