Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
