clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
